Not Weird, Different. (P2)

(Ch)

So one of the most common misconceptions about the middle east (I feel) is the role of women here. At least when I thought of women here I pictured fully covered (head covering and veil), moderately oppressed women with no rights whatsoever. All of their choices are limited, they are forced to live at home to cook and clean for the men - they can't go out, they can't do anything. Now being here for a month, I obviously don't really know all that much, but I'll report what I see and hear.

Like all generalizations, this misconception is sometimes true and more likely false. First of all, at least in Jordan, there are many women walking around without any sort of head covering. There are many Filipinos working housekeepers, many foreigners from other countries, and many Christians (Catholic) who do not cover at all. These women are not looked down on because they come from different backgrounds where they do not cover - and that's alright. If they are not from a Muslim background, they are not expected to be covered.

Besides that, it's even alright for Muslim women to go uncovered as well - it all depends on the family. Some families are very conservative and some are very liberal. Depending the family, it determines how much a women will cover (hair and face) or how much they won't. Women can, of course, choose to cover more if they want - but not less than what is standard for the family.

In terms of a woman's life, I really don't know that much but I'll venture my guess. Girls grow up here and go to school, often will go to university and get jobs - just like men. Of course there are restrictions, girls go to separate schools than men (most of the time). Likely they'll work for awhile then get married - the marrying age here is later (usually around 30). Once they get married, they usually quit their jobs and take care of the home.

Now in a western view, this seems very restrictive and (for lack of a better word) bad. The society seems to force women to work at home and do nothing else - even if she wants to. But what we have to understand that here (and I made mention of this in the previous blog) choice is not something they value as much as we do. Here, one of the primary values is honor. To be honorable is the most important thing.

So, as a woman, what can you do to bring the most honor to your family? To live and work in the house. This shows honor because it means that your husband makes enough money to provide for you. It shows honor because you don't have to "work" (at least in the business sense), you can stay at home. You honor your husband and your family by serving him while he's at home.

Now before people get all up in arms about this, let's consider the male perspective. As a man, the most honorable thing you can do is earn a lot of money and provide for your family. So what do you do? You study and work in the highest paying job you can possibly achieve given your grades (I wrote about this earlier). If you can be a doctor, you be a doctor - not because you like it, not because you want to help people (though you might), but because it's the highest paying job around - and that brings the most honor.

Ironically, men here are almost just as "trapped" in terms of their jobs as women are. They work the highest paying job that they can possible take - regardless of how they feel about it. They have no real choice in what they do. Many of my students dislike what they do, but they do it because it provides the most money they can possibly make.

We might feel this to be terrible, an injustice - a society that takes away choice. But remember, you're a westerner, your view on what is valuable is different than theirs. I'm not saying this society is right or even good but we have to understand that it's completely different than ours. What we feel as injustice, they might find to be right. If we're trying to impose our ideas - that freedom and choice are the most valuable things in this world - we should stop and catch ourselves.

Ok, there are some more things I feel like I can say on a woman's role here, but I'll leave them to later since this is really long.